It has been a rough 24 hours for this nation. I woke up yesterday already prepared for a bad day. It was the one year anniversary of my Father's death. How terrible. Then I went to check the weather and stream the news while I worked in my study and there were terrible news alerts coming out of Newtown Connecticut. Horror. I sat and watched the horror on their faces, the loss of innocence, the loss of loved ones.
I sat there remembering all the years I have spent volunteering in my five boys schools. Helping with lunch, a room Mother every year, tutoring, being on this committee or that.PTA.
20, twenty precious babies gone. 6, six adults dedicated to children gone. I do not understand this kind of evil. Nor, do I want to. I can not nor, do I want to imagine that kind of pain these families are going through. It is unimaginable.
Long ago I asked my Father why people did bad things. My teenage neighbor deliberately ran over my little cat. I was heart broken. I kept asking why. My father said he did not know. That there were just sick people out there in the world. That I had to remember that there is a lot more good in the world than bad. In the next few days and weeks I am going to hold on to that thought. That there are good people, brave people out there. That with time we will heal, our hearts will never forget, will never be the same, but one day we will smile again.
I got an email from Patti Digh last night. One of her newsletter things. She spoke about just letting the grief happen. Just feel it. No blame, no agenda's about gun control, placing blame. Just feel the grief. I thought to myself what good advice. I do not have to have the answers. I just know what happened is wrong, that it hurts. I will grieve for their losses. I will hold the ones I love a little closer. Realize how lucky I truly am. Say prayers for all. I do not have to make sense over something so senseless.